Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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