I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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