I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
