She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize