if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize