We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
