The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
