I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
