question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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