I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
