Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
