Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to make out with him forever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
