you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
