like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
