I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
