Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
