It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
