your parents love me but you hate me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
