She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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