I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
