my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
