The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
