so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
