i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
