I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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