After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize