but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
