I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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