I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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