when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is it penis luge time yet?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
