Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
