Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
