considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
