I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
