shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
