I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
