Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
