I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Less talking, more tequila
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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