Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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