i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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