he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
