your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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