I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
