I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So much Jack, so little girl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
