Someone shit on the floor
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
