what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
