The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
