the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
