Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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