Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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