I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
