You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
