Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
