So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
