I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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