We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
