Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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