We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
