Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
