She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
