Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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