oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize