Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize