Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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