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That's how twitter works, right?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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