I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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