I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
