toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
