Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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