clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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