So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
