it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
