i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
