Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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