I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
