We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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