Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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