I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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