You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
