hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
